Teenagers – On Their Own Planet

I was in the mall over the weekend, and saw so many parents, teens and kids shopping for school clothes. A few of the dads huddled outside the stores holding bags, you could tell they would have rather been somewhere else. The dads stood around, nodding at each other waiting while the mothers and kids rummaged through the store searching for school clothes. I watched as some mothers and kids were sorting through the racks and noticed frustrations were running high.

One mother was arguing with her teenage daughter about the decision over a very short skirt. The teenager complaining that all her friends are wearing them. The mother, who could not imagine her daughter parading around in something that looks like it would barely cover her if she bent over, was standing her ground.  I watched as another mother just throws up her hands at the frustration with her teen, and proceeded to stand outside the shop.

I was there going through the same thing with my child who officially turned into a teenager a few months ago. Happily my child likes being modest so that was not a big issue. However, as I tried to help and suggest blouses, my daughter informed me that was not her taste, and didn’t want girly clothes this year, just plain jeans and t’shirts this year. What no frilly or girly stuff? I tried to think back of some of those same disagreements my mother and I had when I was a teen. Thinking to myself, ‘ I never thought I would have sounded like my mother, and be so uncool, so unhip, so out of touch with the latest styles.’

As my husband made a few suggestions of his own, with pretty much the same response I was getting, we just looked at each other kinda confused and outta place and patiently stood by letting her sort through the racks alone. Patiently waiting as she tried things on, my husband kept peering back at the other dads outside the store. I could tell he was looking for an opening to leave me with her and join the other dads. Some sort of ‘dad’ comradery going on there I think. After about 10 minutes, my child was out of the dressing room and good to go. Just great, two whole t-shirts she wanted and nothing else. I already knew what buying only two shirts meant…..more shopping! My hubby was not aware of this fact yet.  Hubby, pays for the shirts and with a perk in his step, he’s ready to go out in the mall and head back to the car. I quickly reminded him there is more shopping to do, two shirts are not much. With the disappointed look and the rolling of his eyes, he continues to drag himself around with us as we continue shopping.

I started to get disappointed myself at the whole shopping experience. Realizing it was no longer the fun mother and daughter experiences of the past. My daughter showing her independence and me reluctantly going along with allowing her to have he own opinions and taste. My husband frustrated and confused at the fact his daughter is becoming a young woman and is no longer a child.

I realize that after already raising one son who is already out of the house, the umbilical cord is slowing getting cut now from my daughter. My son who I love deeply, calls me weekly to let me know he needs me and my advice. He said to me that all those times he sat and had to hear me and my husband give lectures when he was growing up…. he really was listening even though he didn’t show it at the time. He now tells his little sister she should appreciate mom and those home cooked meals. I thanked him for trying, but she seems to be on her own planet this year.

I always believed I should allow my children to explore the things they were interested in, as long as they were not hurting themselves or others. I would of course guide them and tell them the importance of education, working hard and respecting themselves and others. Raise them to know who God is and what he is all about is also very important. My hubby and I both seriously believe you can be a good listener and fair to your children, while maintaining that we are not their friends. We are their parents, and we wish to be respected in that way because through our own growth we have already been there. Children need parents to hear them, to really hear them, but they also are just children and that is why they need guidance. They will make mistakes and hopefully as parents we guide them so they don’t make really bad ones. You must be fair and balanced, these are not duplicates of ourselves, they are individuals with their own interests, beliefs and personalities. As parents we can try to shape them and mold them, expecting them to believe as we do and we pray that our guidance will influence them throughout their lives. But eventually they will follow their own paths regardless of how they were raised.

You can teach your children about God by studying the Bible with them, taking them to church, not sending them. Help them get involved in Christian activities, meet other Christian kids. You can teach them to fear God, respect God, but you cannot force them to love God. Some kids when they are little will say they love God, but are not mature enough to really understand what this means. They say what the parents want to hear. They say what they have been raised to say, by memorizing verses, or hearing what others say about God. But for each individual to truly love God, they have to be mature enough to understand what it’s all about. They have to truly love God to dedicate their lives and hearts to him. There are many young teenagers out there truly loving God and understand what he is about, and hopefully will continue throughout their lives.

There are a lot of Christians who raise their children Christian, only to discover in their teenage years or older they choose not to follow God. But there are so many kids who keep that with them and find God again at a later point in their lives. Somewhere inside them they still are aware or remember God. They remember going to church with mom or dad, or those talks about God.

My son in his teenage years really had no interest in God. No matter what I said, how I said it, he just wasn’t interested. My son holds himself accountable to be a decent person, compassionate and kind towards others. He is in college, working and takes all the things we taught him seriously. I am thankful, I must have done okay, but sometimes the guilt over why he isn’t a Christian can weigh on a person. Sometimes I would think, if maybe dragging him to church, put him off, or maybe not taking him enough. Maybe I pushed too hard… or not hard enough. I was not born a Christian, I had to find God in my own time, and I try to remember that will be the same for everyone. In his mid twenties now and through many of our talks about God, he asks more questions. He still isn’t ready to make that full commitment to God, but he is listening, and I truly believe one day he will listen when God speaks.

No matter what, never give up on your kids or stop loving them. We may not always like the choices our kids make, but love should not be turned off and on like a light switch just because we are frustrated. If they are not walking with God right now, through your love, support and guidance they may find God because of your talks about God to them. Some parents get hurt or frustrated because they don’t understand what happened. You raised them in church and now they are turning their backs on God. No, many kids just go through the motions because that’s how they were raised, but it has to be in their own hearts to love God. But because you raised them in God, they carry that with them, no matter which road they may be walking on. You may be the only person that talks to them about God, and when they are ready they will hear him.

Proverbs 22:6  Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.