Non-Christian Family

For many Christians there is probably someone in your family or perhaps many, that has not been saved or choose not to follow God. It can be very hard to understand, and often very painful emotionally. You love your family and with a deep belief in God, it makes you have a sense of urgency for them. We know as Christians that if you do not receive Jesus as your savior and repent of your sins you will spend eternity separated from God. That is the most fundemental part that scripture tells us, you must except Jesus, because he is the only way. Christians believe this so strongly because scripture tells us that there is only one mediator between God and men, Jesus Christ. We know that tomorrow is not promised. You can have a car accident, illness, or anything that might end your life here on earth today. Who wouldn’t want to see their loved one again in heaven? I have family members I pray for every day myself. I have a few who passed away, and not real sure about what their belief was when they were here. I do know that from scriptures there is no sadness or tears in heaven, there is only love.

Sometimes, Christians get angry and judgmental towards those family members who choose not to come to God. God is our creator, our maker and we love Him, but to those not following God, it’s hard for them to understand that kind of love. The love for God is different than human love. Love so strong that we are willing to completely work on changing our lives to put him first in every aspect of each day as long as we live, till death. But Christians who tell those who are not saved, that hell awaits them if they don’t have Jesus when they die, means nothing to them. Telling them that Jesus is their savior and they need Him, doesn’t mean a thing. God is a spirit, and those who worship or pray must do so spiritually. If your family member is not spiritual, how can they understand the things of God? If they deny their own soul how could they possibly connect with God?

Christians can not control someone’s beliefs. You can’t make them love God, or even seek Him.

I remember a young man who worked at a shoe store, next to the salon I worked at in the mall. Every week, he would catch me going into work or leaving and he would stop to talk to me. He witnessed to me and told me about God, he tried so hard, bless his heart but it went in one ear and out the other. I wasn’t really listening, I would just stand and nod and smile to be polite but didn’t really care what he was telling me. I had no idea what in the world he was talking about anyway. It’s like a doctor explaining to someone how to perform a delicate detailed surgery in medical terms. Unless you have had some medical training, you will probably be completely and utterly clueless. I was clueless, rolling my eyes, looking around trying to find an opening to excuse myself and leave. At that time, I had heard of God, spent some time in church when I was young, but never really stopped to listen. Why didn’t I listen harder or ask questions to understand? Because I wanted to live for me no one else. I wanted to control my life and live however I wanted, it was all about self. I thought becoming a Christian was like becoming a little mousy goody-two-shoes, and well, I didn’t want any part of it. I enjoyed partying too much and hanging out with friends to stop and worry about what God thought. And at that time, wasn’t really worried about any consequences after I died, because I wasn’t convinced God was really there.

In the days that Jesus was living, his problem was convincing the people He is the Messiah. There was never an issue as to whether God really existed, the Jews already believed in God. Even foreigner’s had their own Gods, everyone in their own religion. The Jews had no doubt of God’s existence, their dispute was and still is, the Messiah. Not the Messiah as in his actual existence, but they already believe for a fact he would show up. But when he would show up, who he was, and what he would do for Israel and the Jewish people is the dispute. Today, many are still choosing their own religions, however you see more of a belief in a ‘non-belief’ nowadays. To some, Atheism is just simply another form of religion or shared belief system. By considering themselves Atheists, they find common ground with other atheists, therefore it then becomes a shared belief….to…well… ‘not believe.’

When you have a family member who is Atheist, they believe there is no God. The word “Atheism” actually comes from the Greek a- ‘without’ + theos ‘god’. Atheist = ‘without God’ which pretty much sums it up. When you have a family member who is Agnostic, the actual definition means ‘unknowable.’ The belief is that they don’t take a stand to believe in God or not, and if there is a God, we couldn’t possible know him the way the bible says. Not the God of the Jews, but maybe a more of a universal God or unknowable higher power could be possible according the agnostics. Many people from all walks of life can be nice people, and some suggest that as long as they treat each other well, then that’s all that matters. If treating other people good, or doing good deeds was all the mattered to God, then it would be called Works. To a Christian, we understand that it’s not the works that get you saved, otherwise Jesus would have died for nothing if we are saved by our own works.

When a family member tells you their different beliefs, or unbeliefs it is hard to take. To us it seems so simple, you wonder why they can’t see what we as Christians see. Often it causes emotional grief, you believe in your heart so strongly that God IS, that you want them to feel God the way we do. How can a person go through life and not know God? How can someone believe that when you die, this is all there is? Each one of us found God in our own time and own way. You need to reflect and remember when you came to Christ. What kinds of things were you doing that may have not been pleasing to God? Some of you may have known God since childhood while others found Him a little later in life. You never know when someone will come to God, and regardless if someone believes or not, it doesn’t matter. We each cross over into death by ourselves and will have to face God one on one in judgment. Each person will give an account good and bad of what we have done in this body, nothing will be hidden from him.

We are not in control of a loved one’s salvation or their personal choices in life. God is the only one who has the power over life or death, God already knows the path a person is choosing. That does not mean he has predestined anyone, he just knows us better than we know ourselves.

Sometimes when a tragedy happens in a person’s life it brings them closer to God, while others run away faster, blaming God. God allows us to have the freedom to choose, and we must respect others for their choices. We may not agree with it, we may shed tears over it, but ultimately God waits with love hoping to receive anyone who will come to him. My mother prayed for my father for about 45 years and he received Jesus as his savior two years before he went home to be with the Lord. She would have loved for my father to have found the Lord earlier, to live together in Christ and have a Christian home. It just doesn’t always work the way we hope, or when we want it to. No matter what or how or when she talked to him about God, it was all up to him. When he was ready to let God take the lead and give up his personal desires and self, then he found peace and love in God.

When you talk to a family member who is not a Christian, you should always speak from love, not judgment. Jesus did not come and judge, he simply stated the Truth and continued on. We should not judge those who are not Christians. It only makes people defensive, and remember that you cannot expect someone to live by the Word if they don’t hear or read the Word, or accept it. There may be family members who never find God, then they pass on. As sad as that may be, it’s true. If a person was meant to follow God they will find Him, sometimes in the strangest ways. Sometimes it’s through tragedy, loss, illness, or being close to death.

In scripture it tells us that it is Gods love for us that wishes none to perish, but all come to repentance. But God never ever forced anyone, that would not be true love. In order to find God, each person must first actively ‘choose to believe.’ That is the very first step you have to take. Faith in something you cannot physically see is so hard for so many, and those who seek a sign according to scripture, will never get one. Because if you must physically see Jesus to be convinced, then it’s no longer faith. Faith, in him in every aspect of our lives is what God expects from us.

No matter how painful it may be to sit back and watch a loved one so far from God, it must be according to that individual. As a parent with a baby props the baby up and holds out their arms hoping they will take their first step, it’s the same for God. It’s up to the toddler to decide when they are ready to take that step, it cannot be forced. And just like a parent, God our Father, is there with open arms ready to love us, if we will just come to him.

Further reading – ‘Married to a Non-Christian’